If you think your activities (online and offline) are being monitored, you are probably right. People who are abusive often want to know their victim’s every move and interaction. If this is something you’re experiencing, it’s important to think through how they might be tracking your online activity. These tips can help you think through how to access information online more safely:
~ Computers, mobile devices, and online accounts store a lot of private information about what you view online – the websites you visit (like this one), the things you search for, the emails and instant messages you send, the online videos you watch, the things you post on social media, the online phone or IP-TTY calls you make, your online banking and purchasing, and many others.
~ Email, instant messaging and text messaging with domestic violence agencies leaves a detailed digital trail of your communication, and can increase the risk that your abuser will know not only that you communicated, but the details of what you communicated. When possible, it’s best to call a hotline. If you use email, instant messaging, or text messaging, try to do so on a device and account that the abuser doesn’t know about or have access to, and remember to erase any messages you don’t want the abusive partner to see.
~ Keep in mind, if you think you are being monitored, it might be dangerous to suddenly stop your online activity or stop them from accessing your accounts. You may want to keep using those devices or accounts for activities that won’t trigger violence – and find safer devices (like a public computer at the library) and accounts to look up information about how to get help, or to communicate with people privately.
~ You can also set up a new email address that they aren’t aware of, and connect your online accounts to it (rather than the old email address they know). It can be helpful to make the new address something that is more anonymous, instead of using your actual name or a handle you are already known by.
~ If the person who is abusive has access to your online accounts (social media, email, phone bill, etc), or has had access to them in the past, it is often helpful to update the usernames and passwords for those accounts from a safer device.
~ If your mobile device or computer are easily accessible to the abuser, be careful how you use it. You may want to keep using those devices for activities that won’t trigger violence – like looking up the weather – and find safe devices (like a public computer at the library) to look up information about how to get help.
The Family Life Center provides free and confidential services to both men and women who are victims of abuse. Although awareness for domestic and sexual abuse is often advocated from a woman's perspective, 1 in every 10 men in the U.S. experience some kind of abuse from an intimate partner in their lifetime. All of our services are available to any person experiencing abuse.